What constitutes cheating?

The Duchess of Kickball asked this question yesterday... and I thought I'd further this conversation over here, since I didn't really want to write a novel in her comments.

I had a problem with this once. I'd like to say that I have never, would never cheat. It's a pretty shameful thing. Because it happened so long ago, I tend to forget it ever happened in the first place. It wasn't that I'd go around making out with other guys at parties or anything. It wasn't a physical thing at all. If you don't kiss, it's not cheating, right?

Wrong.

It was purely an emotional thing. It started out fairly innocently as a friendship, became a little flirty, turned into something where I would tell this other person things I wouldn't tell my boyfriend at the time. The Other just seemed to get me. He was supportive. He listened to what I had to say. He gave advice only when it was solicited, and when he did, it was only a suggestion and not that he was telling me what to do. All excellent qualities that were lacking in my relationship.

In my opinion, that's how cheating works. You find someone who has something that your relationship or significant other doesn't. Whether it's that emotional, supportive relationship or whether it's a chemistry, sexual attraction type of relationship. Anything that you feel like you have to hide from a significant other should be a big, red flag that something is going on that's not on the up-and-up.

It doesn't even necessarily mean that the person you are with is not the person you should be with. It could just mean that you have to work at taking those things that you crave from someone else and find a way to incorporate them into your existing relationship. Communicate.

Though, on the other hand, it could be a sign that you're just not as compatible with your boyfriend as you initially thought. It's easy to hide the problems in a person when you're getting satisfaction elsewhere. There's no reason to break up with him, was a common excuse for me. On top of that, everyone I knew thought we were so perfect together. I forgot that the whole getting-my-support-elsewhere thing was perfect reason to break up.

Bottom line is: if you feel like things are less than optimal in the relationship you've got either attempt to fix them or get out. Cheating is not just a sexual thing, it's any relationship where there's "more than friendship" going on.

Shuffle shuffle shuffle

Harper announced his new federal cabinet announced this morning. Ooooh, exciting.

• The Honourable Robert Douglas Nicholson, Minister of Justice and Attorney General of Canada
• The Honourable Jean-Pierre Blackburn, Minister of National Revenue and Minister of State (Agriculture)
• The Honourable Gregory Francis Thompson, Minister of Veterans Affairs
• The Honourable Marjory LeBreton, Leader of the Government in the Senate and Minister of State (Seniors)
• The Honourable Chuck Strahl, Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development and Federal Interlocutor for Métis and Non-Status Indians
• The Honourable Peter Gordon MacKay, Minister of National Defence and Minister for the Atlantic Gateway
• The Honourable Stockwell Day, Minister of International Trade and Minister for the Asia-Pacific Gateway
• The Honourable Vic Toews, President of the Treasury Board
• The Honourable Rona Ambrose, Minister of Labour
• The Honourable Diane Finley, Minister of Human Resources and Skills Development
• The Honourable Beverley J. Oda, Minister of International Cooperation
• The Honourable Jim Prentice, Minister of the Environment
• The Honourable John Baird, Minister of Transport, Infrastructure and Communities
• The Honourable Lawrence Cannon, Minister of Foreign Affairs
• The Honourable Tony Clement, Minister of Industry
• The Honourable James Michael Flaherty, Minister of Finance
• The Honourable Josée Verner, Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs, President of the Queen's Privy Council for Canada and Minister for La Francophonie
• The Honourable Jay D. Hill, Leader of the Government in the House of Commons
• The Honourable Peter Van Loan, Minister of Public Safety
• The Honourable Gerry Ritz, Minister of Agriculture and Agri-Food and Minister for the Canadian Wheat Board
• The Honourable Jason Kenney, Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism
• The Honourable Christian Paradis, Minister of Public Works and Government Services
• The Honourable James Moore, Minister of Canadian Heritage and Official Languages
• The Honourable Leona Aglukkaq, Minister of Health
• The Honourable Lisa Raitt, Minister of Natural Resources
• The Honourable Gail Shea, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans
• The Honourable Gary Lunn, Minister of State (Sport)
• The Honourable Gordon O'Connor, Minister of State and Chief Government Whip
• The Honourable Helena Guergis, Minister of State (Status of Women)
• The Honourable Diane Ablonczy, Minister of State (Small Business and Tourism)
• The Honourable Rob Merrifield, Minister of State (Transport)
• The Honourable Lynne Yelich, Minister of State (Western Economic Diversification)
• The Honourable Steven John Fletcher, Minister of State (Democratic Reform)
• The Honourable Gary Goodyear, Minister of State (Science and Technology)
• The Honourable Denis Lebel, Minister of State (Economic Development Agency of Canada for the Regions of Quebec)
• The Honourable Keith Ashfield, Minister of State (Atlantic Canada Opportunities Agency)
• The Honourable Peter Kent, Minister of State of Foreign Affairs (Americas)

...for my American readers

Vote!

The last interVivos event we had was a young candidates' forum for the federal election here in Canada. Last weekend, at a friend's birthday, he made a point to mention how much he enjoyed the forum and how happy he was to have voted for the first time.

The Presidential election happening on November 4 will most certainly impact Canada and determine what the entire future of North America looks like. One vote can make a difference.

Elle... one political science geek fighting apathy, one person at a time...

Canadians will miss Bush? Not bloody likely.

In an article from CBC:

Canadians will find themselves missing U.S. President George W. Bush if the next administration tinkers with the free trade deal, the American ambassador to Canada says.

Speaking at a Fraser Institute engagement in Montreal, David Wilkins said that the next president should check the facts and figures on the benefits of the North American Free Trade Agreement. ...

... Bush has been a staunch supporter of NAFTA, said Wilkins, who was appointed by Bush. "Canadians just might discover that they will miss President George W. Bush," he said.

I doubt we'll miss Dubya. A couple reasons why NAFTA needs to be re-worked:

• the whole thing with pesticides (which is reminiscent of other times Canada has banned something for the good of the country and has been sued by companies in the United States)
• softwood lumber
• beef

Liz and Annie on the future of North America

With increased globalization and the recent success of the European Union, a case could be built for creating a similar North American Union. Join interVivos as they discuss the current state of NAFTA, and how our relationship with the U.S. and Mexico might change with the advent of a borderless North America. Is the "Amero" in the works for us, and how plausible is such a relationship right now given current global markets and the need for populations to recognize and defend their regional identities?

There are very, very few seats left to discuss the future of North America with Anne McLellan and Elizabeth May. RSVP today if you're in the Edmonton area.

Quote of the Day

 "Well-behaved women seldom make history."

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Dear Sweetheart: Love Letters from a Soldier

During this particular lovey-dovey week, I'm a little soft for the stuff that love letters are made of. If you're looking for a little love-fest read these ones, featured in the Globe and Mail.

It was the Second World War. A million young Canadians were marching off to risk their lives. One of them, David K. Hazzard, was separated from his beloved wife Audrey, but soon found a way to fight the loneliness – with his pen.

He wrote hundreds of letters, beginning each the same way – 'Dear Sweetheart.' They are a riveting account of what he went through.

How did he cope without Audrey and his two young daughters? How did they cope without him? In the weeks ahead, the series Dear Sweetheart will publish new letters daily. In the end, their story is our story.

We tell it as a homage to those who died, the 180,000 veterans who survive, their children, their grandchildren – and Canada's fighting families today.