home again, home again, jiggity jig

I absolutely adore the mountains. And sunshine. I'm a little bit more freckled now, but my goggle tan has subsided a bit (thankfully!). Taking a snowboarding breather half way down the mountain, goggles on, backs warmed by the sun, was bliss. I needed it. I needed daily soaks in the hot tub and giggles until my face hurt. I needed to drink wine with my best friend in Calgary and take a break from school and from work; no obligations for just one week.
This is a baby. It consists of lemons, sugar and vodka. Seriously, that's all. It's deadly. We drank three of them. There were eight of us, so it was okay. We also curled it, you know, to mix it up Olympic style.

It was weird to come back to school work and laundry. I'm trying to push through this course and this year, but there are exciting things that I don't want to rush past too quickly (like vacations!). I recently found out that my convocation date has been pushed (pulled?) from November 2011 to June 2011, which means I'll have to complete my requirements, including my research paper, much more quickly. Don't get me wrong, convocating in Victoria, B.C. in June > than a rainy weekend in November, but it just seems like I'm spinning too fast.

Girltalk

"My therapist has put you in my web," she explained with a glass of wine in her hand. We were alternating handfuls from the giant bowl of popcorn in front of us, post-Grey's Anatomy. "She told me that I need some normal friends, and I said I have one -- you!" Her big smile always lifts my spirits.

We've been stuck together for almost four years; hard to believe. I rented a room from a boy I occassionally made out with, and she sublet from his sister. I had job applications out across the country, but somehow I ended up here and she followed. We've had our moments, as most roomates have, but she's one of those people that you just can't shake (and don't want to). She's fiercely loyal, gives her entire being to everyone she loves and everything she does, and she's got a great rack.

We went out dancing, pre-PJs, popcorn, and Grey's Anatomy. It felt like the old days in our new city, but the crowd was a bit creepier. I had to fight the urge to yell "Leggings are not pants!" and we contemplated whether the girl in the crochet dress was wearing lace panties, or if there was a word pasted across her behind. We tried out the latin beats and happily danced to some 90's hits before heading back to my place for a girly sleepover.

Weekends like this cement the importance of old friends. There was also a phone call from four of my highschool ladies that left my brain buzzing with memories and an exercise letting new friends move away -- but Calgary is only a short roadtrip away.

Not that long ago, when someone hosted a party there would be jello shots and keg stands. Taxi numbers would be programmed into cell phones in advance or alternate sleeping arrangements would be made.

Now, we're getting to a point where parties consist of gathering around a newborn and oooh-ing and aaah-ing over a tiny dimpled cheek or miniature fingernails. "I hope I was allowed to bring beer to this party," says a friend as he sets down four cans of brew.

Talk turns to law school, masters programs, wedding plans and babies. New moms hover over the baby monitor, pushing buttons. "We're so exciting," one giggles.

Combating the winter blahs

As I mentioned in my last post, I was a disaster last week. I was stressed out and cried a lot and surprisingly, but coming to work on Friday actually made me feel better. I share an office with a girl who I absolutely love. She may have started out as a coworker, but she's become a real outside-of-work friend.

We've recently made our office a bit more homey and colourful. Our whole office, from the walls to the cabinets, is this terrible boring beige.

We hung silver and red balls of various shapes from the ceiling with various lenths of ribbon. Then we realized that from this one ball in the centre, we can see our whole office! People comment how it finally looks like Christmas in here, but we needed colour. And we'll add more colours as we come across them.

On Thursday, we were having a crap day at work. We went to the grocery store at lunch and purchased fancy cheese and crackers (best work pick-me-up ever) and this $2 pot of tulips. They're now three times the size they were on Thursday and they've bloomed -- it's crazy. We have many plants in our office but they're all just green; it's fun to have some flowers.

Our boss was off on stress leave for a little bit, and my darling office mate asked her if she was happy to be back the other day. Boss thought for a second, closed our door behind her, and said, "Truthfully, I didn't want to come back, but I've missed you guys so much! I almost emailed you on Christmas..." It's how I feel somedays. I love my job, but even on days I don't, I work with such incredible, happy, inspiring people that I still enjoy coming here.

Twenty-ten

[Peggy's Cove via The.Rohit on Twitter]

Last week I was in a real funk. I don't like to whine and complain, but it seems like all I did was cry last week. I was stressed over school, the hormones were raging, and it seemed like stupid people were popping up in every aspect of my life. On top of all of that, messages of breakups kept rolling in about friends who were previously engaged and/or living with their men. One of these in particular managed to completely break my heart. I was so sure that [the now ex]Roomie had managed to find something spectacular; I even wrote him a love letter!

Roomie is someone who deserves so much good, and I thought she finally had found a piece of that. She's so sweet, always puts everyone else first, is smokin' hot, and she's a domestic goddess; she's been through a lot of crap in her life, brushes it off, picks herself back up and moves on with a smile. Tonight I'm pouring the wine and hearing the full tale. I only hope I can provide a fraction of the support that she gives to everyone else in her life.

When the sadness rolls in, I've got to try to see the bright side of things. I also need to remember that I signed up for school; essays aren't something horrible being done to me.

Every year becomes the best one yet and this one is no exception. Twenty-ten will be full of fun things like concerts (Muse and U2), shows (Chicago and Sweeny Todd), and cross-Canada journeys (so far: Fernie, B.C. for a week of snowboarding and mountains in February; Halifax, N.S. for a week in June -- I'll get to see the lovely Andrea!; home to Ontario for my cousin's wedding in August; and Victoria, B.C. for three more weeks of intensive learning in October). This year is literally a Canadian coast-to-coast adventure! This year I'll complete more than half of my Masters and I'll have logged over 3 years with my Love.

I just hope that all my friends get to be this blissful.

What are you looking forward to in 2010?

It's worth having cross-country friends if only for the hilarious drunken messages

Calling to wish you Merry Christmas?... No, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I think it's a Happy New Year! *giggles*

HAPPY MERRY NEW YEAR!

Home for the holidays

It still doesn't seem much like Christmas, even though I am going home in two sleeps.

Christmas shopping this year seems haphazard, not the usual exciting adventure to find the perfect presents for people. Instead of the desire to trim the tree, I've had the desire to read journal articles. Instead of baking Christmas treats to send out to friends across the country, I've been wishing I could write faster and go to conferences in Montreal, London (U.K) and San Francisco. Instead of watching Christmas movies, I've been thinking about Marshall McLuhan's theories. I'm a bit overwhelmed. I know the essay I submitted the other day wasn't my best, but I just didn't care anymore. The thought of submitting three more essays by the middle of January, combined with travel to Ontario and Saskatchewan for the next two weeks, is terrifying. How am I ever going to get everything done?

Instead of doing schoolwork most evenings, I've been happily curled up with the Boy on the couch or out with my wonderful girlfriends eating brie and drinking vanilla apple mojitos. Ignorance is bliss, they say. Maybe a bit of Baileys in my coffee (or some eggnog) would bring some Christmas cheer?

Jitters

I'm a bundle of nervous energy. It may or may not be the full contents of the French press inside my stomach. It may or may not be the very exciting Skype conversation I had this morning, about a web project that rocks my political nerd world. It may or may not be the fact that my Masters program went live yesterday, and begins officially tomorrow. It may or may not be the fact that I've been so totally overwhelmed at work, both in a good way and in a not so good way, over the past week. It probably has something to do with the fact that one of my most favourite people in the world is finally following me across the country -- even if it is to Calgary. A three-hour drive is way cooler than a five-hour plane trip.

On another note: the Boy and I have been very popular lately, which is exciting after becoming hermits in September. It was necessary to have some kind of post-summer break, but now we're back out in the world... and finding out that bowling too much may make your butt hurt.

Note to self: don't consume copious amounts of Bubbles before going to Beerfest. Drunk face.

You make my dreams (come true)

[David Perez Facorro via the Photographic Dictionary]

Love [luhv]
-noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend.
3. a sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
-verb (used with object)
5. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
6. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).


I'm getting rather pathetic, cupcakes. The Boy went to Saskatchewan for the fourth week in a row (alone this time), and I missed him a ridiculous amount. The joy that raged through me when I got his "I'm coming home!" text message on Wednesday morning was off the charts.

Being without him though, did give me time to assess things. It's also gave me time to feel like I live at our place. Having to rely on buses to get around our fine city and find our way to the north end when it'd be so much easier to hang out at the old pad is a big part of that. Oh downtown, why do you have to be so appealing?

Back on point. It gave me time to talk to an old friend. A friend who really should not be my friend. We had our own messed up love story back in the day. Out of control emotions made us do things like send lyrics to each other and cry via webcam because we just couldn't be together. He was a boy who had been broken by previous relationships, a self-proclaimed robot. I was a girl (and still am the girl) who always wears her heart on her sleeve. I was sunshine and rainbows and he was a giant storm cloud. There was a long period of time where I didn't talk to him because he decided to date our mutual friend and I couldn't handle it (really, I told him he couldn't wax poetic to me and be with her -- it wasn't fair to anyone). We had a big discussion when he finally contacted me to say that he couldn't handle it anymore, he needed me in his life in some way because I'm just so fabulous (which is true). We've been friends ever since.

Back in the day, when I got out of a passionless, robotic, comfortable relationship because of some of the conversations we had, I thought that what we had was love. What we had was different, and I'd never felt that way before. It was both incredible and terrible. Everything was so emotionally-fueled it created some sappy feel-good moments and some major heartbreak. It was a rollercoaster.

It's not like that now. Love, I mean. The more days pass, the more confident I am that even though I'm kind of an l-word slut, the Boy is the only boy I've ever truly loved in a romantic way. No one has ever made me feel the way he makes me feel. He's someone I can tell all of my secrets to, someone who loves me unconditionally but isn't afraid to speak up if he thinks I'm doing something out of character, and someone who supports me in all my crazy endeavours (school, random committees, etc.). He's someone I miss an unbelievable amount when he's gone, partially because of the empty bed and partially because when anything good or bad happens, he's the one I babble on to about it. I'm attracted to him in every way, not just physically but mentally.

My friend told me about his own long-term relationship, and I feel bad for him that he hasn't found what I found. I feel bad that through all the conversations we've had about relationships and love, that he feels like he has to settle. His lady is lovely, but clearly not the lady for him. It reminds me of my own passionless, comfortable ex-relationship. The one he talked me out of, for the sake of my own happiness.

You deserve more, he used to say. I don't know how to get it through his thick skull that he deserves more too.

Dear baby, do your momma a favour and come out now

I'm waiting to hear from my lovely friend Robyn about the status of her uterus. There's a little girl in there just chilling out, taking her sweet time. Fashionably late, already.

Robyn and I were interns together. We got together on the regular for drinks and dish sessions. I feel so honoured to have gotten to share in Robyn's life... the excitement of her engagement, living vicariously through her destination wedding photos and planning, and now seeing her belly -- ridiculously big for her tiny frame. She's going to be such an amazing, amazing mother.

I look back on the first year I was here, and one of those great moments was rounding up a few people to join me in the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life. Robyn and I spent much of the night bundled in blankets walking around the track talking about anything and everything.

There were four of us interns. Two are now engaged to be married, Robyn is all married and mamalicious, and me, I'm going to be a masters student (apparently I do not succumb to peer pressure).

Dear baby,
Please come out so your momma can get back to eating and not taking her own blood. Because it's gross. And because there are many people who'd like to see your pretty little face.
xoxo



Update:

Welcome to the world Juliana!

Farewell but not goodbye

Watching me finish up the ends, he comments on how far it's come.

We've been through a lot together. I say, as I stroke it softly. It kept me awake in the mountains, went with me on trips to Saskatchewan. And bad times too, you know....

Are you sure you wouldn't rather keep it?

It's the prairies, the mountains.... it's important that she has it.

The changes in the tension of the stitches show what I've been through. They show the stress, the hurt, the aching of my first car accident. The parental visit three years in the making. They show the relaxation of the mountains, and road trips, as I stitched through my awe. The ease I felt as I sang along to 80s tunes on the way to Cypress Hills and Saskatoon.

The stitches have suffered and celebrated through the highs and lows of summer across the prairies. They'll provide warmth through the east coast winter. And hopefully, they'll serve as a reminder of the incredible friendship that I've been so blessed to have.

[stolen from Andrea]

If you're looking for me, I'll be at the track

[via flickr]

It was a great way to celebrate my birthday, and her birthday. A lot of sunshine, a splash of Bud Light Lime, small bets that were enough to make us hold on to our hats. Multiple sunscreen applications. Superman ice cream cake, and more than a handful of good people to eat it with. Freezies and branded fans in the condo to keep cool. In the end, I think I made a couple bucks, but generously donated it (and more) back to Northlands for beer. Because I'm sweet like that.

It's good to have weekends like this to realize just how wonderful your friends are. And to help lovely people fill Alberta must-dos before they leave us (me) for the east coast.

Vote for Andrea: "the one in the stripes"

Click the above picture to be taken to article in the Edmontonian.

Click here to vote.

Mr. A to Z.

I just got word from one of my lovely ladies that she picked us up tickets for the Jason Mraz concert here in October. Two of my favourite current and past coworkers + Jason Mraz = fabulous girl date. I'm so excited!

Picnic, in pictures

Happy (belated) Canada Day

I'm a day late, but as yesterday was a holiday I was nowhere near the computer. Instead, I tried my best to get the pictures in the Boy's kitchen to go on the wall in a straight line, we walked down to the Legislature for a fabulous picnic with Kitty and A, stared in shock at how empty my house is getting as I threw some more stuff into boxes, and watched the fireworks from my balcony. Fireworks are one of my very favourite things.

Alas, today's back to work, feeling very much like a Monday rather than a Thursday. On the plus side, the weekend (and tonight's football game) is on the horizon. Oh, and tomorrow my parents fly into town.

Yesterday on our way to see the hoards of people swimming at the Ledge, little kids with burnt faces, and more ice cream trucks/carts then we could count on both hands, Kitty mentioned that Canada Day was just like any other day.

"But aren't you glad to be Canadian?" I gasped.

"Meh," she shrugged.

"Don't you enjoy your civil liberties? Democracy? Health care? The fact that you're a woman and you live here rather than in somewhere like the Middle East? Political stability?"

"I guess," she pondered. "It's just that I haven't had to go through that by living somewhere else."

True enough. We're pretty lucky. I, for one, am pretty proud to be Canadian.

The ever-fashionable A

When I had my first "date" with Andrea over at Miet et Cannelle, I was terrified. Her blog shows the world that she's this lovely little bundle of beautiful imagery, a cool philosopher, and all around the person you want on your team when the world comes down to choosing sides. That night, over a bottle of red, I became just a little more intimidated. But in a good way. Over the past months, she's been a calming force over my life as we get together over some sort of beverage (caffeinated or alcoholic) to chat. Being around her makes me happy. Sometimes it makes me feel incredibly excited to head back to school, since I need some schoolin' to bring me up to her level, but it makes me happy. Happy to be around someone so clever, so creative, and so appealing.

This week, Andrea's Summer Street Style issue of SEE Magazine hit the newstands. It was a ton of work, but like her, it's absolutely lovely. You should check it out.

Friend, I couldn't be more proud.

working hard to get my fill

I'm not too ashamed to admit that sometimes, when I have a bad day, I turn to Journey videos on YouTube.

I've been pulled in so many directions lately that I was beginning to feel like I was being torn in two (or more). At work, I'm wearing the hats of boss lady, writer and media star, which is surprisingly harmonious except when big boss' pregnancy hormones are raging. I'm trying to find balance between friends and the Boy, and failing miserably. I'm trying to refuel but can't, as any extra time I have is used to satisfy other commitments. I've never really done the me time thing, as any spare time I have is given to friends who make me feel guilty for spending so much time with the Boy, or with the Boy, who has finally exploded in a "but I'm your boyfriend and I'd like to see you sometimes" rage.

The little sister is a shining light in all of this, which isn't helping anyone really. When I was feeling all frustrated to tears, she simply told me to do what makes me happy and screw the rest. Her words helped me figure it out, but then when what typically made me happy became just another obligation to fulfill, she became my default. While everyone else was having a virtual tug-of-war with my emotions, she became my solitude merely because she's just happy when I'm happy.

Juicy, juicy, juicy, juicy fruit

A lot of our time during summers when we were younger was spent among the rows and rows of strawberries and peas in the giant garden on the farm. This lovely gift from the lovely Andrea took me back to those days... sitting in the dirt on the quest for the most perfectly ripe strawberry. I shall cuddle this little glass jar and whisper soothing words to this little green plant, in the hopes that someday it will provide me with even one deliciously juicy morsel.

Best friends 4 evah

Courtesy of CMT

I spent the weekend drinking too much champagne in the afternoon, eating appetizers for supper, imbibing in barley and hops, frolicking in the sunshine, and hanging out with two of my favourite people in the universe. The Boy sent me an email this morning that said, "It's good to remember why your best friends are your best friends." This weekend definitely served as a fabulous reminder.

They are two of the only people I can find to listen to country music with me. The only two people would would squeal and jump around with glee to find out that the Road Hammers were opening for Montgomery Gentry after a lot of detective work to find out who the opening act was. Dancing around the house. Watching bad teen movies. Being happy, and positive, and free of eye-rolling. Remembering good times and creating new memories. Meeting each other for the first time and becoming fast friends themselves.

Even though I have no voice, and have spent the weekend trying to push away the plague that has been wracking my body, this was the best weekend that I have had in a very long time. It was exactly what I needed.

I mentioned to the Boy a little while ago that I feel like I'm falling into too much negativity. I'm finding myself becoming an eye-roller. A cynic. A bit of cynicism is good, but it's gotten to a bad place. I made a vow to surround myself with positive forces to balance out my proclivity to the negative, and this weekend was the best thing that ever could have happened. I feel refreshed.

It's good to remember why your best friends are your best friends.